Let’s not beat around the bush. Juggling motherhood and work in Singapore often feels like an unending endurance challenge.
Amidst meeting deadlines, not forgetting to toss a child's water bottle into the bag, grappling with "mom guilt," and attempting to grab a quick shower, achieving balance feels more akin to finding a legendary unicorn rather than experiencing an actual event.
But guess what? You’re not alone in the juggle. Counsellor and fellow working mom Lilian Ong from Wellness Journey Pte Ltd gets it. Because she’s living it too.
And she’s not merely here to connect. She’s brought an inspiring influence. Q&A session that dives deep into real strategies, not Pinterest-perfect solutions.
Summing it all up, here’s a parent-to-parent unpacking of what she has to say about staying afloat as a working mom, without losing yourself in the chaos.
See this post on InstagramA post shared by Wellness Journey (Lilian Ong, Certified Counselor) (@ourwellnessjourneysg)
What Does It Really Mean to ‘Involve Your Kids’ in Your Work-Life Balance?Lilian doesn’t sugarcoat things. “When we think about work-life balance,” she says, “the intention is to have our needs met on both sides.” That means pursuing meaningful work that brings in income without completely sacrificing your family or personal time.
But what about the idea of involving your kids in the journey?
Lilian suggests that a straightforward approach to integrating children into daily routines is by seamlessly including them in conversations at lunchtime when talking to your peers. This could involve sharing anecdotes about family weekends or managing tantrums from young ones. Doing so can help strengthen connections with fellow parents facing similar challenges.
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And that little sense of “we’re in this together” can really ease that tug-of-war feeling between work and home.
Essential Energy Management: The Crucial Skill Every Working Mother RequiresForget time management. Lilian says it’s your energy that really needs budgeting.
We all have just 24 hours each day which can't be stretched further, similar to how our devices require daily charging. Thus, avoid falling into the trap of attempting to fit more activities into your day, as this approach won't succeed.
Her main guideline? Avoid trying to cram more in. Rather, focus on priorities:
Critical & Immediate: Handle at once
Important but Not Urgent: Schedule it
Not Crucial but Pressing: Delegation Needed
Not Significant + Not Pressing: Discard It
It might seem easy, but give it a week and you'll notice the change.
Is Singapore’s Workplace Culture Benefiting or Harming Working Mothers?As per Lilian, "It really varies based on the organization’s culture and the colleagues you collaborate with."
However, there’s also the opposite extreme where you might feel as though you've broken some rule just because you're done with work at 6 pm. The strange sense of guilt creeping in as you walk out and see others still staring at their monitors? I totally get that. And those not-so-subtle glances whenever you bring up your child care leave for what feels like the hundredth time this month? Been there too.
Source: Mashable SEA
However, ultimately, most of us desire merely some comprehension. A touch of adaptability. A work environment where one doesn't have to pick between being an attentive mother and a competent professional. Isn’t this request reasonable enough?
That Gnawing Feeling Called Mom GuiltMaternal guilt is genuine, and Lilian encounters it frequently. "This sense of mom guilt arises when we fall short of societal norms, familial standards, and personal aspirations."
Lilian recommends disregarding societal norms, as they aren't the ones experiencing your life firsthand. For handling familial expectations, she advocates for clarity and consistency regarding your needs, stating that spending less time with them does not equate to loving them any less. Regarding personal standards, Lilian notes that "there isn't just one correct approach to motherhood." If advancing in your profession brings you happiness, then this can be considered your form of equilibrium; seeing you content ultimately benefits your children too.
‘Me Time’ Isn’t a Luxury. It’s a Necessity.Lilian's top advice for working mothers is not to wait endlessly for free time to show up. She says, "[You] must set aside time for yourself; otherwise, you'll never find an opportunity."
Take some time with your partner. Don’t just do it briefly amidst managing dinners and nightly schedules; make it count. Set aside around 10 or 15 minutes perhaps once everything has settled down and the home is peaceful—maybe right after you’ve gotten everyone tucked into bed. Go over next week together: discuss who will drop off whom at school, plan which meals should be prepared in advance, and go through upcoming birthday celebrations.
It may not seem very romantic, but truthfully? This sort of planning is love put into practice.
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Then again — yes, seriously — make sure to block out some personal time for yourself. Don’t settle for a quick shower or mindlessly browsing social media as you do chores; instead, carve out real chunks when you aren't obligated to others. Use that hour to dive into a neglected book. Alternatively, allow yourself permission to take a nap. Or go ahead and indulge in watching that overly dramatic Korean drama series you've kept postponing with excuses about needing to stay productive.
Alternatively, do absolutely nothing. Simply sit, breathe, and gaze at the ceiling.
Maternal fatigue is indeed real. Constantly operating on empty days without end certainly doesn't earn you an award. Those brief moments of solitude aren’t excessive; they’re essential for making it through each day. Your mental sharpness, your tolerance levels, and even your capacity to chuckle rather than lose your temper when another spill occurs—all depend on these minor yet crucial breaks.
It’s not only about yourself; it’s also about being able to support others in your life without letting go of who you are.
How to Cope When Everything Seems OverwhelmingIt's truly challenging to balance both a career and motherhood. However, what causes stress can vary from person to person.
However, she thinks there are methods to remain above water:
Reduce your expectations. Occasionally, making it through is the victory.
Handle one task at a time. Avoid getting overwhelmed.
Create a support system. Identify whom you can rely on and for what purposes.
Delegate and let go. “Close one eye, or both. It’s okay. They’ll figure it out.”
Positive Mindset = Alignment With Your ValuesIf you’ve been wondering how to stay upbeat despite the chaos, Lilian says it’s about living in alignment. “Notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Make small shifts that reflect your true values.”
This isn’t about chasing perfection. “It’s about growth and fulfillment, not status.”
Short on Time? Discover Ways to Remain Connected with Your ChildrenLilian’s suggestion hits the mark: dedicate yourself completely to your children by keeping your phone aside during their time. Shower them with lots of positive reinforcement and focus since children require feeling acknowledged and listened to. Prioritize bonding before addressing misbehavior. Establishing trust initially enhances the impact of your teachings.
Keep in mind, the emphasis should be on quality rather than quantity; even a brief 10-minute conversation at night could significantly brighten their day.
Self-Improvement for the Time-Constrained Working MotherHave you ever paused to contemplate your life, rather than focusing solely on your child’s school timetable?
Lilian recommends that moms and dads should aim for either half a day or an entire day off work one or two times each month. The concept involves sending your kid to daycare just like normal but using this break from parenting duties to rejuvenate yourself through activities such as resting, reading, napping, or going out for a stroll—it serves as your own little reboot button.
Indications That Your Work-Life Equilibrium Has Gone HaywireWorking mothers frequently find themselves among the last to recognize they're experiencing burnout. As per Lilian, some warning signs include:
Your family’s saying they barely see you
You're always saying sorry for not attending events.
It feels as though your sense of self has gotten lost beyond the workplace.
If any of these resonate with you, it’s time to make some adjustments.
Managing Work Crises Without Breaking DownLilian doesn't mince words: not every work "emergency" qualifies as an actual emergency. She recommends questioning whether the urgency stems from genuine importance or merely reflects someone else's panic. Establishing limits and maintaining clear communication are essential strategies.
In the end, you're not available around the clock.
Childcare Assistance: Embracing the Process of Experimentation and LearningFinding the right childcare setup is no small feat.
Source: iStock
“Ask people you know for recommendations, search online and check reviews. Do this together with your partner so you can also discuss and understand each other’s expectations and needs,” Lilian advises. “Shortlist a few options and be open to trial and error because it may take time to find an arrangement that works well for your family’s needs”
The path we're taking isn't straightforward, but it's worthwhile.
Then, Working Mother... What Type of Balance Do You Seek?The main lesson Lilian took away? Balance doesn’t come in a one-size-fits-all package. What suits your best friend may not suit you, and that’s perfectly fine.
No matter if you're excelling at your job, managing at home, or somewhere in between, keep in mind that this life is yours to mold.
And if you're sensing the burden of it all, remember you're not the only one.
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