Why does our heart always get drawn to those who shatter us with grace?
It always begins the same—an instant connection, a shared grin, an excitement we confuse with destiny. At first, they seem like where you belong… till suddenly they aren't. In one breath, you’re soaring inside their vows; in the next, you're slowly breaking apart alone, questioning how the person who used to fill your dreams now reflects all the wounds you've yet to mend.
We promise ourselves we'll be smarter the next time around. We create lists, carefully noting what went wrong before. We watch out for warning signs. Yet somehow, our hearts remember things differently. Before we realize it, we're right back where we started—falling into the very same cycle, only with someone new.
What exactly is happening here? Is there something wrong with our love itself, or do we simply have an outdated understanding of what love should be?
The following provides an unexpected response: Bhagavad Gita That age-old conversation unfolding on a battleground, between an uncertain soldier and the sacred—has long been softly revealing the reality behind our connections with others. For just as conflict calls for clear vision, so does affection demand lucidity. Often, it isn’t those we’ve chosen who cause pain—but rather the fantasies we cling onto unwillingly—that wound us deeply.
Longing and clinging cloud our inner sight.
When we keep focusing on things that gratify our senses—whether it’s a person’s appearance, their charisma, or the comfort they provide emotionally—we develop strong ties. These ties lead to longing, and when such longings face obstacles or remain unsatisfied, they transform into irritation or rage. The Gita teaches that the source of our emotional pain lies in these very attachments and desires. moha (an illusion) created when we become too attached to temporary infatuations. This causes us to ignore warning signs and idealize those we’re attracted to. It’s not random—our attraction to unsuitable partners comes from our mind’s tendency to project fantasies onto them.
ध्यायतो विषयान्पुंसः सङ्गस्तेषूपजायते।
काम रुपी मन हैं । क्रोध वह परिणाम हैं उसका ।
(भगवद्गीता 2.62)
Looking for completeness through others fosters emotional reliance.
We frequently turn to romantic relationships hoping they will 'complete' us or help us feel valued and safe. However, the teachings of the Gita encourage us to become like the ocean—self-contained, calm, and fulfilled within ourselves. Relying on another person’s attention or approval for feeling good about oneself disrupts internal stability. Such emotional reliance can lead us to accept toxic actions, put those who aren’t available on a pedestal, and dread being alone. Real tranquility doesn't come from seeking greater affection, but rather through recognizing our ability to feel entire and sufficient all on our own—even without outside affirmation.
आपूर्यमाणमचलप्रतिष्ठं
समुद्रमापः प्रविशन्ति यद्वत्।
तद्वत्कामा यं प्रविशन्ति सर्वे
स शान्तिमाप्नोति न कामकामी॥
(भगवद्गीता 2.70)
Mistaking Moments of Heightened Emotion as Signs of Spiritual Union
O mighty man among men, these wise individuals do not grieve for such matters.
समदुःखसुखं धीरं सोऽमृतत्वाय कल्पते॥
(भगवद्गीता 2.15)
Many people mistake extreme emotional highs and lows as signs of passionate love or destiny-bound connections. However, true spiritual growth—according to the Gita—involves more than just fleeting emotions; it’s about cultivating inner stability, self-awareness, and detachment from outcomes.
Note: The original sentence was cut off at “But real spiritual maturity, according to the Gita, is about,” so I’ve completed the thought based on common interpretations of the Bhagavad Gita’s teachings. If you have additional content following this line, feel free to share! samatvam Equanimity amidst happiness and sadness. Being hooked on intense emotions brings disorder and uncertainty into our lives. Unsuitable relationships may seem 'meant to be' as they stir up known feelings but aren't truly compatible with who we aspire to become at a soul level. An emotionally mature spirit does not crave drama — instead finds peace within calm certainty. Such affection never harms - rather nurtures healing.
4. The ego imposes control, whereas the soul chooses surrender.
In relationships, the ego craves control, certainty, and specific outcomes. It pushes us to seek answers about how the other person truly feels, when they will make a commitment, or what their next move might be. According to the teachings of the Gita, performing actions sincerely without being attached to the outcome holds great significance. Loving through the lens of the ego often leads to jealousy, worry, and emotional reactions driven by fear. On the contrary, loving from within—through the soul—is marked by generosity rather than grasping. While the ego wishes to own things outright, the soul moves naturally toward freedom. Recognizing this difference determines whether a connection brings confinement or true inner release.
कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥
(भगवद्गीता 2.47)
Repetition of painful patterns serves as a karmic mirror.
Why do similar kinds of relationship dynamics keep appearing, though they may look different each time? The Gita teaches that the mind can be our closest ally or toughest adversary. When left unchecked and filled with lingering issues, it drags us back into recurring cycles of karma. Without awareness, we end up repeating behaviours shaped by old emotional injuries, early life bonds, or imprints carried over from previous lifetimes. sanskaras Healing starts when we own our inner condition instead of pointing fingers at outside influences. The journey ahead involves taking accountability for ourselves from within. adhyatma – enhancing awareness and turning the mind into our partner.
उद्धरेदात्मनात्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत्।
आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मनः॥
(भगवद्गीता 6.5)
Immediate Gratification Frequently Results in Extended Suffering
The Gita distinguishes between sattvic (pure), rajasic (passionate), and tamasic Many connections begin with an excited surge — filled with passion, allure, and strong emotions — yet they frequently miss a solid foundation. That early thrill can feel sweet at first but may later turn painful, much like consuming something toxic masked as pleasure. On the other hand, pure love may appear calm or uneventful initially, but grows over time into a source of deep comfort and inner peace. Often we're drawn to those who stir up our unsettled desires; however, truly compatible partners connect us with our better nature. To see this clearly demands quiet reflection and clear insight from within.
यत्तदग्रे विषमिव परिणामेऽमृतोपमम्।
तत्सुखं सात्त्विकं प्रोक्तमात्मबुद्धिप्रसादजम्॥
(भगवद्गीता 18.37)
Love without understanding leads to chains; with awareness, it brings freedom.
The Bhagavad Gita reminds us that true love isn’t about getting lost in someone else—it’s about finding our own identity ( Atman Through the journey of love, we come to know this truth: when we pursue the wrong individuals, we're usually seeking fragments of our own being that remain unhealed.To break free from recurring patterns of pain in relationships, we should move away from emotional desperation toward self-awareness. Instead of chasing love, focus on embodying love within ourselves.
Let the Gita serve as your compass—not merely in navigating relationships—but also in transforming into a person who refuses to accept anything harmful and instead embraces only those things which inspire growth.