- EXPLORE FURTHER: Ten essential traits that indicate someone you know may be a narcissist
Psychologists caution that individuals exhibiting intense competitiveness might have grown up under the influence of parents displaying harmful narcissistic tendencies.
A persistent tendency to over-accommodate others often indicates that someone’s parents may have exhibited troubling personality characteristics tied to psychological issues and difficulties in relationships.
According to Professor Wendy Behary and Dr. Craig Malkin, there are six key indicators suggesting your parents might possess certain traits. In a recent interview, they discussed ways to recognize these patterns and offered advice on how to avoid repeating them yourself.
According to authoritative sources, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a psychological condition marked by an enduring tendency toward arrogance, a strong desire for praise, and insufficient compassion towards others.
It’s believed that as many as one in every twenty individuals in the UK could be affected by this condition to varying extents, according to specialists like Professor Behary, who argue that it often goes undiagnosed.
Professor Behary, an expert in working with individuals diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, also serves as the director of the Cognitive Therapy Center at New Jersey warned that the initial clear indicator of having been brought up by a narcissist is an inability to set boundaries or refuse requests.
"They can’t express ‘I matter, I have my own needs,’" she said. HuffPost .
According to Dr. Craig Malkin, an esteemed psychologist, kids raised by narcissistic parents often grow up feeling as though they're being labeled "sick," "crazy" or “selfish” just for voicing their simplest needs—leaving them prone to become total doormats when they get older.
A further indicator that someone grew up with a narcissistic parent is when signs of their own poisonous traits become apparent.
Dr. Malkin explains that such harmful characteristics—like twisting circumstances to belittle others, engaging in gaslighting, and using guilt as leverage—are typically acquired behaviors.
As such, it’s quite common for strong-willed kids who are naturally more outgoing to end up becoming narcissistic too, playing the role in a “if you can’t beat them, join them” scenario, he explained.
Experts noted that kids raised by narcissistic parents frequently become overly competitive with their brothers and sisters.
"Highly narcissistic individuals thrive on placing others on pedestals—at times even more than they relish bringing them down," said Dr. Malkin.
Fourth up: "Your whole childhood was spent extinguishing flames and keeping things calm."
Prof Behary explains that kids with narcissistic parents frequently take on a greater share of life’s emotional burdens compared to their parents, sometimes leaving them feeling more like a spouse than an actual child.
She explained, "It's the feeling of dramatic tension that the child believes they must handle. To accomplish this, they often end up sacrificing many of their natural childhood needs."
Experts suggested that individuals who base their self-worth on outside approval during schooling and later years might have grown up under the influence of parents exhibiting harmful behavioral patterns.
"The child of a narcissist comes to understand that their value lies solely in what they can achieve in life," explained Dr. Malkin.
This is because Narcissists frequently seek exceptional achievements and elevated social standing that they believe deserve admiration.
In the end, specialists explained that kids raised by a narcissistic parent frequently have difficulty developing their own identity.
Narcissistic parents frequently attempt to experience life indirectly through their kids, steering them toward career paths they personally wished to pursue.
"Many children of narcissists often express feeling as though they were positioned to serve more as a mirror for their parent instead of being able to develop into their true selves," Professor Behary said.
Individuals displaying narcissistic traits, frequently acquired through parental influence, tend to face higher risks of experiencing psychological issues, challenges in relationships, and difficulties related to drug use. studies show.
A narcissistic parent may also lead to estrangement between siblings, as each vies for attention—often resulting in excessive admiration being directed toward one child and criticism along with bitterness aimed at the other.
Being rejected may cause kids to pick up similar harmful behaviors from their parents, driven by worries about being mocked by people outside the family.
Nevertheless, the specialists explained that it is possible to break free from this damaging pattern.
Kids of narcissists who catch themselves using harsh words and throwing insults still have options—they just need to be ready to put in some serious emotional effort.
Psychologists suggest that breaking the cycle begins with recognizing the unmet childhood needs stemming from parental shortcomings, followed by embracing acceptance through conscious effort.
Dr. Malkin went on to say: 'Kids raised by narcissistic parents must learn to feel at ease both experiencing — and showing — emotions such as sorrow, isolation, anxiety, and being overwhelmed when around loved ones.'
Nevertheless, he cautioned that in certain situations, someone brought up by a narcissist might need to think about reducing contact with their parents as they grow older.
Three primary red flags indicating a potentially destructive parental figure include mistreatment, refusal to acknowledge problems, and traits of antisocial personality disorder.
Dr. Malkin cautioned that in this instance, psychopathy—which involves a pattern of deceit and manipulative behavior—suggests the individual might genuinely struggle to understand or share the feelings of others.
Nobody should ever be subjected to emotional or physical abuse, and when parents refuse to recognize that an issue even exists, meaningful change becomes highly unlikely.
He said further: "Those who commit acts of abuse bear full responsibility for their actions, and it is solely up to them to put an end to such behavior."
Unless they take action, these encounters will remain unsafe.
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