- READ MORE: Ten telltale traits of a narcissistic person in your life
Psychologists caution that individuals displaying intense competitiveness might have grown up under the influence of parents exhibiting harmful narcissistic tendencies.
A persistent tendency to over-accommodate others often indicates that someone’s parents may have unsettling personality characteristics tied to psychological issues and difficulties in relationships.
According to Professor Wendy Behary and Dr. Craig Malkin, there are six key indicators suggesting your parents might possess certain traits. In a recent interview, they discussed ways to "stop the pattern" and avoid repeating those behaviors yourself.
According to authoritative references, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is described as a psychological condition marked by an enduring tendency toward arrogance, a strong desire for praise, and insufficient compassion towards others.
Up to one out of every twenty individuals in the UK could be affected by this condition to varying extents, according to estimates. Experts like Professor Behary believe that the disorder is often overlooked and not diagnosed enough.
Professor Behary, an expert in managing individuals diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, serves as the director at the Cognitive Therapy Center located within... New Jersey warned that the initial clear indicator of having been brought up by a narcissist is an inability to set boundaries or refuse requests.
"They can’t express ‘I matter, my needs are important,’" she said. HuffPost .
Dr. Craig Malkin, a prominent psychologist, shared that kids raised by narcissistic parents often end up feeling like they're wrong—viewed as "ill, unstable, or self-centered" just for voicing simple needs—which can leave them overly accommodating and easily taken advantage of as adults.
A further indicator that someone grew up with a narcissistic parent is when signs of their own harmful behavior become apparent.
Dr. Malkin explains that such harmful characteristics—like twisting circumstances to belittle others, using gaslighting tactics, and inducing guilt—are typically acquired behaviors.
As such, it’s quite common for strong-willed kids—who tend to be naturally outgoing—to end up becoming narcissistic too, following the saying “if you can’t beat them, join them,” he explained.
Experts noted that kids raised by narcissistic parents tend to become overly competitive with their brothers and sisters.
"Highly narcissistic individuals take great pleasure in placing others on pedestals—perhaps just as much as they relish bringing them down," said Dr. Malkin.
Fourthly, we have: "Your whole childhood was spent extinguishing conflicts and keeping things calm."
As explained by Professor Behary, kids raised by narcissistic parents frequently take on a greater share of life’s emotional challenges compared to their parents, sometimes making them feel more like an equal rather than offspring.
She explained, "It's the feeling of dramatic tension that the child believes they must handle. To accomplish this, they often end up sacrificing many of their natural, inherent childhood needs."
Experts stated that individuals who base their self-worth on outside approval during schooling and adulthood might come from environments where one or both parents displayed harmful behavioral patterns.
"The child of a narcissist comes to understand that their value lies solely in what they can achieve in life," explained Dr. Malkin.
This is because Narcissists frequently exhibit an intense desire for exceptional achievements and elevated social standing that commands admiration.
In the end, specialists explained that kids raised by a narcissistic parent frequently have difficulty developing their own identity.
Narcissistic parents frequently attempt to experience life indirectly through their kids, steering them toward career paths they personally wished to pursue.
"Many children of narcissists often express feeling as though they were positioned to mirror their parent’s image instead of being allowed to develop into their true selves," Professor Behary stated.
Individuals displaying narcissistic traits, frequently acquired through parental influence, face an increased risk of encountering psychological issues, challenges in relationships, and addiction struggles. studies show.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent may lead to estrangement between siblings, since they compete for attention—often resulting in one being praised highly while the other faces criticism and hostility.
Such rejection may cause kids to develop similar harmful characteristics as their parents, driven by worries about being mocked by others outside the family.
Nevertheless, the experts noted that this harmful cycle can be interrupted.
Kids of narcissists who catch themselves using harsh words and throwing insults still have options—they just need to be ready to put in some serious emotional effort.
Psychologists suggest that breaking the cycle begins with recognizing the unmet childhood needs caused by your parents' shortcomings, followed by embracing acceptance as part of the process.
Dr. Malkin went on to say: 'Kids raised by narcissistic parents must learn to feel at ease experiencing — and showing — emotions such as sorrow, isolation, anxiety, and being overwhelmed when around people they care about.'
Nevertheless, he cautioned that in certain situations, someone brought up by a narcissist might need to think about reducing contact with their parents as they grow older.
Three major red flags indicating a potentially destructive parental figure include abusive behavior, refusal to acknowledge problems, and traits of psychopathy.
Dr. Malkin cautioned that in this instance, psychopathy—which involves a pattern of deceit and manipulation—suggests the individual might genuinely struggle to feel empathy for others.
Nobody ought to be subjected to emotional or physical mistreatment, and when parents refuse to recognize that an issue exists from the start, meaningful change becomes unlikely.
He said further: "Those who commit acts of abuse bear full responsibility for their actions, and stopping such behavior lies solely with them."
Interactions will remain unsafe until they take action.
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